2 Generations. 1 Super Bowl Halftime Show—Rihanna Review: Part II.
Full disclosure, I’m writing this review as a 48-year old guy who watched the halftime show at a crowded Super Bowl party. So, while most of the world likely doesn’t care what I have to say anyway—I do have opinions, and since Pulltab Sports is rolling with a multi-generational, dueling banjos review of Rihanna’s halftime performance, it looks like you’re stuck with me. At least for the next 700 words, or so.
But first a fairly critical caveat. I was told this morning that under no circumstances is anyone, ever, allowed to assume a woman is pregnant when she hasn’t, in fact, told the world that she is pregnant.
Warning aside, my review does factor in the live audience reaction where most people at the party I attended did assume Rihanna was pregnant. So, if it turns Rihanna is not pregnant, as the hard-working journalist I am, please consider this my official apology to RiRi. I’m just going with what the room was saying, and at least at the Super Bowl party I attended people were expecting Rihanna to end her performance with the biggest gender reveal in the history of gender reveals. Also, if I was a woman—I think people would have mistakenly thought I was pregnant for most of my adult life. Not sure that makes it any better, just providing context.
Let’s get into it, I know you’re all salivating for 2 Generations / 1 Halftime Show Part Deux. Or Part II, that makes more sense as Super Bowl loves its roman numerals. So it’s time to answer the question no one is asking, what did an old guy at a Super Bowl party in Minnesota think of Rihanna’s Super Bowl performance?
I thought it was fine. If we’re handing out letter grades it was a B minus.
And while counter intuitive, it must be factored in that anyone who did mistakenly (or not) think Rihanna was pregnant gave her a better grade. I wouldn’t be one for standing on a glass rectangle hundreds of feet in the air if I wasn’t pregnant—so standing on a glass rectangle “for two” hundreds of feet in the air, is pretty baller. When I went bungy jumping in my 20s, I couldn’t even stand up straight. I have no idea how she pulled that off, points for not being afraid of heights. And if she did just perform the Super Bowl halftime show completely solo while pregnant, that’s worth 57 muscle arm emojis all on its own. RiRi is officially all conference in fierce.
The hard part of Super Bowl halftime shows is last year changed everything. When the Super Bowl decided to go ensemble with Mary J. Blige, Snoop, Dre, Eminem, 50 Cent and more last year—it was groundbreaking (even if they were lip syncing). Most young people have grown up with a playlist mentality as opposed to their album-oriented parents, so having a half dozen artists to look forward to at halftime made last year’s Super Bowl a sonic potluck. As they say, it was too big to fail.
When grading a Super Bowl performance you must also consider the all-time greats. You must know that Prince melted faces in 45 degrees in the rain in Miami. You must know that U2 performed right after 9/11 and when Bono opened his letter jacket to show the American flag and two stark spotlights represented our fallen towers—it was a moment. And that’s the thing about the Super Bowl halftime show, it can be special. Rihanna yesterday was not.
If you didn’t know Rihanna was a billionaire, just ask Jay-Z. And there were more than a few moments yesterday where I found myself wondering how she became a billionaire. And then I remembered that in addition to her storied music career she also has a very successful makeup brand Fenty and lingerie line Savage X Fenty. Sure, we all knew a few of her songs, but it did seem like a stretch for Rihanna to fill the entire Super Bowl halftime on her own. More than once while watching her performance I found myself thinking that Harry Styles or Taylor Swift sure need to do a Super Bowl halftime someday. And if you’re thinking that, the performance you’re watching is probably leaving something to be desired.
Personally, I was surprised she didn’t incorporate a cameo or two within her performance. Rihanna has worked with everyone in her career, but she chose to go full queen and handle things all on her own. That’s her prerogative but coming off last year’s West Coast hip hop casserole, it ended up feeling a little boring and low energy.
You’d think a lingerie and makeup titan might have gone for at least one wardrobe change as well, this is the Super Bowl? Instead, she opted for a red and white thematic that was consistent throughout her entire set including a field full of people in white body suits that looked like the fly-guys you might find outside a suburban car dealership or maybe in one of Kanye’s abandoned warehouses.
In the end, Rihanna was solid but not special. If you liked Rihanna, you probably enjoyed her performance. If you had Rihanna parked to the side in your mind prior to yesterday’s halftime show, she likely didn’t do enough to move that perception up or down.
And while we don’t know if she’s pregnant, and to quote the old adage, “When you assume you make an ass out of u and me.” The gender reveal never did come, but Rihanna did reveal something to the entire world yesterday.
She’s a Vikings fan.
Just listen to the words, “We found love in a hopeless place.” It’s right there in front of us. She should have worn purple.
