If anyone knows what it’s like to be a loyal fan of the Purple, it’s the readers of SKÖLIOSIS — your weekly reminder that being a Vikings fan is bad for your health.

I’ll admit it. I Googled “Can the Vikings still make the playoffs” after watching their total dismantling of the Washington Commanders on Sunday. Brian Flores was doing Brian Flores things, with his defense earning the shutout and finally getting some turnovers. And, more importantly, our quarterback didn’t look like a total spaz. As commentator Drew Brees was quick to point out, McCarthy was in rhythm all day.

This was a good thing because the Vikings had nearly reached the unwatchable stage. My wife was openly negotiating with me during the Seattle game the week prior, hoping to finally choke out football in our house for the balance of 2025:

Wife: So, we’re done with this, right?

Me: Well, ahh. . .

Wife: Like next Sunday, we’re for sure not watching the Vikings. We can decide that right now, right?

Me: Um. . .Ahh. . .

Every football loving husband knows you only have one job in this situation: Protect the Football. Because it’s not about watching winning football, it’s about watching football, period. Our wives are smart. They know this season has made us vulnerable. But we must not give in. We must secure the purple border (chalk outline?) around our living room televisions. And my stuttering “Ahh . . .umms” to her outright challenges were the perfect non-committal response about whether or not we would remain a football watching household for the rest of the season.

CONSTRUCTIVE VIEWING

This has been a hard Vikings season, and there have certainly been some days wasted watching this team. I think that’s what really bothers my wife. That she has to give Fall Sundays to this purple monster that will only let us down. She has to watch me sit inside for hours, like I’m trying to marinate my disappointment.

If you’re experiencing similar tension in your household about watching this trainwreck of a season, I think the best strategy is to turn your Vikings viewing occasions for these last 4 games into something constructive. For instance, this week I walked on the treadmill at the health club for the entire first half of the game. I was sure to tell my wife this, and it seemed to pass the sniff test at home.

Future options to continue watching the Vikings in a constructive way this season would include:

Getting a pedicure with your wife and watching the game on your phone. I need to make this happen.
Running “slow errands” like getting your wife’s car washed, or getting an oil change, and watching the Vikings game while you’re knocking these items off the Honey Do List.
Outdoor activities are a great way to hide your Viking addiction as well. If a buddy has an icehouse or a sauna, these could both be constructive afternoon sessions as the Vikings come down the stretch.

I CAN’T QUIT YOU

It’s true. While no Vikings fan wants to admit it, we can’t quit them. One week it’s I have to watch because we’re playing the Packers, next week it’s maybe Brosmer will be good, the next week it’s J.J.’s back, this week it’ll be J.J. was good last week, can he do it two weeks in a row?

There are only 17 regular season NFL games for your team. That’s not a lot. That’s less chocolate than an advent calendar. In a sports world where baseball has 162 games and hockey and basketball over 80, every regular season football game is like a small holiday. And we need to remember that when things are at their lowest is when people try to come after this sacred tradition. We must protect our Purple pastime. We must hold the line. People on the group text will be actively trying to recruit you to other teams. Your wives will suggest alternate Sunday activities like mall walking or more intriguing options that may confuse you like going to Top Golf on Sunday . . .You must protect the football. Even when it hasn’t been a great year. This is the black box of the airplane. They literally call the suitcase that holds the nuclear codes, “the football.” Don’t. Give. An. Inch. You don’t even need to say “No” to these other options, it’s almost better to just stutter and not say anything.

Why should we still care? Why should we keep watching? For a couple reasons.

ABOUT THAT 1%.

Here at Pulltab Sports we have your back. We went down the Vikings path to the playoffs rabbit hole, so you don’t have to. It looks like this: Vikings need to go 4-0 and win out. We need the Bears to go 0-4 and lose out. We need the Lions to go 1-3, only beating the Bears. And we need Tampa and Carolina to lose some games.

Unlikely, yes. But isn’t this exactly what the Vikings would do? We go on a run, barely miss the playoffs in the last week, and weaken our draft position for next year. This 1% chance seemed so much like a Purple Probability that one of my buddies actually bet $20 (with 5 to 1 odds) that the Vikings would make the playoffs immediately after we dominated Washington last week.

Is it going to happen? Probably, not. But as Eddie Vedder would say, “Oh, I’m still alive.” Yes, it’s beginning to look a lot like Lloyd Christmas . . .

PLAYING THE BACK “NINE”

Even if the Vikings lose to the Cowboys on Sunday night, or the Bears or Lions win this weekend, we need to stay plugged in on this Vikings season mostly to see what we have with this young quarterback. He has 4 games remaining. Does he stay healthy? Does he play well enough for us to wonder if he could be the guy? Does he flash? Does he seem like a leader, and the winner his resume suggested when we drafted him? Does he finally lose the eye black (we can only hope)? Does he actually find a way to get the ball to Justin Jefferson?

This Vikings season is on the back “Nine.” When you’re golfing this is usually the point where you start losing balls, can’t remember your score on holes, and everyone makes the same joke about how golf should be 12 or 14 holes, not 18. Things get a little sloppy, you maybe switch the Pandora from Morgan Wallen to Hair Metal. You start to wonder why golf carts don’t have seat belts.

That’s where we’re at with the 2025 Vikings season. We’re on the back nine, with #9. And as tired and disappointed as we are, we need to stay in it. We need to keep writing down our scores. We need to see what we have. Because this is when we’re going to see if McCarthy can be the guy. Caleb Williams was sacked a league leading 68 times his rookie year. He held onto the ball too long, and people wondered if he was a bust. Now he’s fighting for the playoffs. And the beginning of this season, podcasters called Patriots QB, Drake “Maye-Be,” because they weren’t quite sure about him. This weekend Maye will be playing for a division title against Josh Allen and the Buffalo Bills.

In summary, hang in there folks. Keep the tiny pencil in the golf cart steering wheel, and keep posting scores on the back nine with “Nine.” We’ll be in the clubhouse before you know it!

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SKOL!!

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