SKÖLIOSIS WEEK 4: WHERE THERE’S A WILL, THERE’S A WAY — Vikings 15, Dolphins 10
If anyone knows what it’s like to be a loyal fan of the Purple, it’s the readers of SKÖLIOSIS — your weekly reminder that being a Vikings fan is bad for your health.
Is It Weird If Your Kicker Is The Best Player On Your Team?
Vikings kicker Will Reichard is so cool. Dude has made 31 straight field goals without a miss, is 12/12 on field goals this year, including 5 (and all of our points) on Sunday. I’ll admit it, at first at felt weird to have the kicker be the best player on your NFL team. It was sort of like picking your favorite restaurant based on the free bread. But Will Reichard is no ordinary bread. Will Reichard is like bread at the Olive Garden, or the charred garlic stuff they give you at Mancini’s. Will Reichard is elite.
It’s time for Vikings fans, and the Twin Cities community, to invest in the Will Reichard brand. I want Will Reichard to do “Let’s Play Hockey!” at a Minnesota Wild game. I think Will Reichard should be the next James Bond. I want Will Reichard’s face on money, at least coins. I believe if Will Reichard doesn’t settle down with Sydney Sweeney like everyone is saying, he could be the reason Taylor and Travis break up. And then we can all buy a Taylor Swift album with songs that are all about Will Reichard once he breaks up with Taylor.
To be clear, this kid is having a glow-up right in front of our eyes. If Reichard started as a Napoleon Dynamite or McLovin cult hero, today he’s just a hero, period. It’s true, Will Reichard has been our MVP four games into this young season. Vikings fans love the man, and there’s nothing ironic about it anymore.
Has The Quarterback Whisperer Lost His Voice Completely?
It’s been 7 quarters of football since the Minnesota Vikings have scored an offensive touchdown. But we’re undefeated, leaving Vikings fans to cope with this lack of offense in their own ways. Some are reaching back into the past remembering we always had dynamic offenses, and the defense let us down . . .and that never got us a Super Bowl win. So maybe this is okay, try the opposite! A few fans have turned on KOC, including a family member of mine who simply refers to the Vikings coach as “Hallmark,” believing, in the end, Coach O’Connell will end up being too good to be true, too peanut butter and jelly with the crusts cut off to get the job done—a PG13 movie in a cutthroat sport that we wished we didn’t waste time on. It should be noted this same family member jumped off the Viking ship and became a Bears fan several years ago, so it could just be jealousy.
That said, the “Hallmark” dig does make the point that KOC could use some good PR. When every guy mowing their lawn in a Vikings jersey is shaking their head smiling saying, “we’re winning these games with just a kicker, defense and special teams,” that can’t make you feel great as the team’s offensive guru. In KOC’s defense, the offense didn’t have Justin Jefferson this week, and by the end of the game it seemed like Kyler had built some chemistry with Jordan Addison and T.J. Hockenson. Let’s hope it continues.
Can Someone Please Start An Artificial Intelligence Company Named Kyler.
Move over Claude, step back ChatGPT. Because if this Vikings season has proven anything to us, it’s that the single greatest use for artificial intelligence on the planet is to make funny videos with a miniature Kyler Murray doing funny things. Even if you don’t think you want to watch these, tiny Kyler A.I. videos are as universally enjoyed as puppies and babies. My entire algorithm is mini-Kyler videos, and if I could add a streaming service to see even more little Kyler videos (the streaming service would be called Lil Kyler), I would. Even if Kyler Murray never throws another touchdown pass this year, he will be the reason the United States defeats the rest of the world in the Artificial Intelligence race. It’s official, tiny Kyler videos have replaced cat videos as the foundation and lifeblood of the entire Internet.
Mr. Jones Needs His Flowers.
With Jordan Mason out with an injury, 31-year old Aaron Jones has been forced into cowbell duty like Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon. Aaron Jones probably walks around the Vikings practice facility saying, “I’m too old for this shit” over and over again. And all the Vikings do is hand him the ball at least ten times a game, because when the Vikings hand the ball to Aaron Jones ten times a game, the Vikings win the game. Yes, the Vikings are 18-4 when Mr. Jones carries the ball ten times or more.
As the Counting Crows so eloquently put it, “Mr. Jones and me, we’re gonna be big stars.” I’m pretty sure Adam Durwitz was talking about the Vikings and Jones getting his allocated ten carries.
Our Season In A Meme.
This one really says it all. Bonus points for Lil Kyler in the Baby Bjorn.
Our Season In A Photo.
This is the face opposing quarterbacks make when playing against a Brian Flores defense. If we were playing Pictionary and you had to draw “Confused,” it would look like a QB staring at a BFLO scheme. And that includes you Tyler Shough!
Our Season In A Play
When T.J. Hockenson caught a pass in the 4th quarter against the Dolphins last Sunday, and chose to go down before the end zone to help the team get the sure win—that single play is the microcosm of the Vikings 2026 season thus far. Think about it. There wasn’t an offensive touchdown on the play. No celebration, no fireworks, no highlights. Just a player choosing the team first, and not caring how we win because winners know there’s no such thing as an ugly “W.”
If you dig a little deeper, it’s even cooler than that. Brian Flores continues to terrorize opposing team’s offenses with his scheme and a defense where you don’t know most of the guys’ names. Special teams and Myles Price have been huge. And our kicker is a true stud. Are we the football equivalent of those old New Jersey Devils teams that won Stanley Cups by playing the trap? Are we Princeton basketball eating the entire clock so the other team never gets the ball? Truth is that I don’t really care. I like winning. Minnesota needs a winner.
It’s different, but it’s cool. Our Minnesota Vikings are rewriting the recipe for winning football in real time.
A group of selfless players who have bought-in knowing team success is worth more than individual statistics.
A Kicker. A Defense and Special Teams.
Where there’s a Will, There’s a Way. SKOL!
Epilogue: Donate to a Good Cause
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