If You’re Not Cheering For The Panthers To Win The Cup, You’re A Bad American.
Something weird has happened across the State of Hockey. Seemingly overnight, most Minnesotans have turned into Edmonton Oilers fans. There seem to be a few reasons for this transgression, let’s break them down:
1) Connor McDavid is the best player in hockey and deserves to win a Cup.
This is the big one. And we need to understand the role that the Amazon Prime docuseries Faceoff played in creating this palpable McJesus sympathy. The access Amazon was given was astonishing. We rode in McDavid’s car to the rink for game 7, and we watched him have a mental breakdown as he begged his team to give whatever it takes after a tough loss, “Dig the fuck in! Right fuckin’ now! Whatever the fuck you have!”
Watching Faceoff, the contrast between Matthew Tkachuk and Connor McDavid was polarizing. McDavid, the next in a long line of Canadian hockey prodigies shoved down our throats, seemingly had the weight of the world on his shoulders. In a presser before game 7, McDavid basically admitted he was just ready for all of this to be over. Not winning the Cup, and not having that cherry on top of his nearly perfect hockey resume was literally killing him. Meanwhile Matthew Tkachuk was grilling steaks with his dad and brother, and swimming in his South Florida pool describing Game 7 as “Christmas morning.”
I get it. No one skates like McDavid. He’s faster, it looks like a video game. He’s the best player, and it’s obvious how much he wants his name on the Cup. If he doesn’t win it, he’ll take it to his grave because he knows in hockey no matter how good you are, there are only two types of hockey players: 1) hockey players that have won the Stanley Cup, and 2) hockey players that haven’t won the Stanley Cup.
2) Let’s be nice to Canada.
The second thing that seems to be creeping in here is some genuine sympathy for our neighbors to the North. Maybe it was the tariff stuff, or the 51st State, or the wild fires. More likely it’s the fact that most Minnesotans know that a Canadian team hasn’t won the Cup since 1993. Simply put, it seems like the State of Hockey thinks it’s time to send the Cup up North and give these guys a break.
3) We’re sick and tired of Florida.
Lastly, after watching the Tampa Bay Lightning head to three straight Stanley Cup Finals, and now the Panthers do the same—most Minnesotans are over non-traditional hockey states hoisting Lord Stanley’s Cup. I guess some percentage of the State of Hockey must be thinking, we’ll Edmonton (and Canada in general) is more like Minnesota than Florida, so I’m going to root for the Oilers. Maybe if Canada wins it, Minnesota can win it, because we’re basically the 11th province of Canada anyway. Plus, Florida hockey fans can’t be real hockey fans anyway.
The State of Hockey is tired of Paul Maurice’s sound bites, Matthew Tkachuk chewing his mouthguard, and Sam Bennett being, well, Sam Bennett.
On some level, it just seems boring for Florida to repeat, and even worse to have hockey turn into slap shots and flip flops as we watch the Panthers parade into the Elbo Room and once again take the Cup swimming in the ocean with them.
Well, Minnesota, if that’s your argument to cheer for the Edmonton Oilers in the Stanley Cup Final, you’ve got it all wrong. As a matter of fact, every one of your points are vulnerable. So much so, that if you’re not cheering for the Florida Panthers to with the Cup this year, you’re not a good American. The counterpoints to cheer for the Panthers are considerable, hear me out:
Counter Point #1) Connor McDavid is an enemy of the State.
Hey Minnesota, remember when the whole world became hockey fans and everyone was watching the Four Nations tournament? Remember when the Tkachuk brothers and J.T. Miller were squaring off at center ice, and we were all listening to “Free Bird” on repeat? Well, do you remember how that ended? It ended with Connor McDavid scoring the winning goal, and the United States once again finishing a bridesmaid. If you’re keeping track, the guy most Minnesotans have a newfound sympathy for, is the same guy who ripped out our hearts at Four Nations. Oh, and did we mention it’s an Olympic year? And the World Juniors are in Saint Paul? What side are you on? If you’re a red, white, and blue blooded American, the very sight of Connor McDavid’s face should fill you with PTSD because no matter how talented he is, this gentleman is a true enemy of the State. And we’re not talking Minnesota, we’re talking the good old U, S, of A. Take this as your friendly reminder that you should be listening to “Free Bird” not “Sympathy for the Devil” this month.
Counter Point #2) Nate Schmidt is one of us.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only Minnesotan still playing Stanley Cup hockey is on the Florida Panthers roster. His name is Nate Schmidt, he’s a total beauty, and he’s from Saint Cloud. To know Schmidty is to love Schmidty. This guy’s personality is off the charts, he’s a former Gopher, and former Saint Paul Cathedral stud. Some of us might even remember him walking the blueline to beat the Badgers and hang a banner.
Not to mention, Schmidty grew up working at a convenience store in Saint Cloud and can identify all brands and flavors of chewing tobacco by their smell. It’s true, this is a thing.
So, if you find yourself feeling sorry for Canada, or if you’ve somehow tricked yourself into thinking Minnesota is more like Edmonton than Sunrise, Florida – remember that Nate Schmidt is the trump card here. Nate Schmidt is not “like us,” he’s quite literally “one of us,” and people in Minnesota know precisely what that means.
If you want to take your kids up to the Cloud and get a pic with the greatest trophy in sports this summer, if you want to bump into Lord Stanley on a pontoon boat or at Zorbaz or Fletcher’s, we need the Panthers to win so Schmidty can bring Lord Stanley home to the State of Hockey. Nate Schmidt is our last shot to have the Cup visit Minnesota.
Counterpoint #3) Let’s keep the club small.
I know you’re sick of Florida. I know you’re sick of Tampa. I know you used to love Paul Maurice’s clever post-game banter, but now you’re seeing too much of him in your feed. I know you’re not comfortable rooting for the “All-Rat-Team” of Sam Bennett, Matthew Tkachuk, and Brad Marchant. I know you want to turn the page.
But here’s the deal, the Minnesota Wild haven’t won the Stanley Cup (yet). So, let’s keep the club small folks. Florida won it last year, if they win it again—the people starving for a Cup (us, Edmonton, Toronto, etc.) will all still be starving. And Lord Stanley’s status quo is better than watching 23 more new guys achieve their dreams, when we’re still waiting for ours. Is that selfish? Yes. Is it also completely true? Yes.
In summary, be a good American. Root for the rats. Cheer for the Panthers. Leave some room on your calendar to bump into Schmidty and Stanley this summer someplace, maybe he’ll even close his eyes and tell you if that’s a tin of Grizzly or Copenhagen in your pocket. Remember that it’s an Olympic year, and we don’t negotiate with terrorists even when they’re the best player in the game. Let’s keep that big rock in front of McJesus’ tomb, keep the Cup in America, and play “Free Bird.”
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