If anyone knows what it’s like to be a loyal fan of the Purple, it’s the readers of SKÖLIOSIS — your weekly reminder that being a Vikings fan is bad for your health.

Yep. This is what perfection feels like, Purple Nation.

Do you even remember what losing feels like anymore? I don’t. Does it hurt? Is there swelling? Should we ice it? Does CBD oil help with it?

I honestly can’t remember.

Life is different now.

This is what happens when we are perfect.

Now our Siris and Alexas have started asking US the questions. ChatGPT declines to revise our work because it prefers our original work. When someone starts choking on a piece of steak, everybody looks around the restaurant and asks if there’s a Vikings fan in the house.

Rumor has it a Vikings fan landed that plane in Saudi Arabia last month. “We need a pilot, does anyone know the SKOL chant?”

WE are the alphas now. Apex Predators.

That’s what winning does to people.

And all we do is win.

Just as DJ Dallas’ long-lost brother DJ Khaled once predicted:

All we do is win, win, win, no matter what.

And indeed, with the Vikings Week five 26–13 win over New Orleans, the Vikings secured their TENTH consecutive regular-season victory dating back to last year.

Ten.

Even though the game was played on 10/11, it was still technically the weekend of October 10th, aka 10/10. So what a perfect weekend to secure our 10th win, right? Cause that’s what we do. We do everything perfect.

And who doesn’t love a 10 out of 10? 10 out of 10 is the best there is. That’s why the Purple retired its number long ago.

Hell, even clock ads everywhere use 10:10 because it looks like a smiley face.

10:10 is numerical bliss.

It embodies happiness. It’s the face of winners.

It's our face now.

Our perfect, unbeatable face.

Don’t you just love being perfect?

Well…maybe not perfectly perfect.

Our particular form of Purplefection is more wabi-sabi - the Japanese idea of finding beauty in imperfection.

Yep.

Perfectly imperfect.

We don’t dominate neatly. We don’t color inside the lines. We rarely score touchdowns, but we even more rarely give them up.

We don’t always make it look easy. This is the Vikings, after all!

Sometimes we look shakier than a Shaky’s Pizza. Sometimes we look like we forgot how football works for an entire quarter.

But we don’t lose.

Not for 319 days, anyway.

319 DAYS

Think about that.

The Minnesota Vikings haven’t lost a regular-season football game since November 30th of last year.

Babies have been conceived and born during this winning streak.

You could have planted corn, harvested it, turned it into ethanol and driven to U.S. Bank Stadium on it.

Most of us don’t even have Wordle streaks that long.

And with the Vikings bye week last weekend, we guaranteed our winning streak will reach 329 days. That's a sneezing distance from a full year for crying out loud.

That’s longer than the USS Abraham Lincoln recently spent in its marathon record-setting stretch at sea!!

And whose idea was it to send the USS Abraham Lincoln out there for 322 days?

Yep, a Vikings fan.

(Umm, wait a minute, is it possible Petey Hegs is using our U.S. Tax Dollars to buy a Super Bowl? What are these conflicting emotions I am feeling right now?)

And which president was Abraham Lincoln, did my Siri just ask me?

The 16th, Siri. He was our 16th President. Get your shit together Siri, you should know this stuff.

And who is the MVP, spiritual leader and patron saint of this Vikings winning streak?

We’ll let the 16th President of the United States, Good Ole Honest Abe, give you a hint…

Number 16.

That’s who.

Thanks Abe. He really never does tell a lie does he?

WILL THE THRILL

Will Reichard.

Our perfect leader, and the Vikings Mr. Perfect #16.

Our Honest Abe.

The Great Emancipator of Three Points.

Four score and seven field goals ago, Vikings fans still feared kickers.

Now?

We hold these uprights to be self-evident.

Reichard has somehow taken the most historically traumatic position in Minnesota sports — the position we used to regard as a disappointing consolation prize whenever the offense failed to score a touchdown, like watching the understudy walk onstage because the lead actor got sick — and turned it into prime-time viewing.

Little Willy Nilly has stolen the show.

Now we sit on the edges of our seats every time he trots onto the field, waiting to see how perfection is done.

One more made field goal and Will can tie Gary Anderson’s Vikings streak of 35 consecutive makes.

(Let’s not talk about how that particular story ended.)

Ten more and he can tie Adam Vinatieri’s streak of 44.

TEN more, you say?

I like Will’s chances.

Because this guy is a 10 out of 10.

He’s not Will & Grace.

He’s Will WITH Grace.

He is our Prince William.

And our Good Will is HUNTING for an MVP.

How do you like dem apples, Honest Abe?

Yep, Kick by kick, Free Willy is emancipating us from Purple struggle. He is leading our Purple Nation toward a new way.

A Perfect Way.

And apparently perfection is contagious.

Because even Kyler Murray has started catching it.

After finishing the second half against Miami 13-for-14, Kyler opened last Sunday 12-for-12.

For a stretch spanning two games, the man basically forgot incompletions existed.

Which is particularly impressive considering he seemingly spent most of Sunday playing Call of Duty on the iPad strapped to his wrist.

We thought it was a play sheet.

Nope.

Kyler was clearing Nuketown between possessions.

Flores: Kyler, they’re showing Cover 2.

Kyler: Hang on, Coach. I’m on a 17-kill streak.

And somehow?

Still completing passes.

That’s where we’re at now. This must also explain why Kyler now walks like Colonel Lockjaw in One Battle After Another.

This is what happens in the land of perfection.

10 OUT OF 10

And then there’s the defense.

The football world recently lost a legend in Iron Mike Ditka, which made one stat about this Vikings defense particularly fitting:

The Vikings became the first NFC team to allow 10 or fewer touchdowns during a 10-game winning streak since Ditka’s 1986–87 Chicago Bears. (Under 10 in 10 you say?)

Think about the company Brian Flores’ defense has wandered into.

Those Bears weren’t a defense.

They were a municipal ordinance.

And now Flores’ group is hanging around the same statistical neighborhood.

Move over Pete Hegseth - we have a new Minister of Defense.

Ten straight wins while barely letting anybody into the end zone.

Which really is the perfect description of this team.

We don’t have to beat you one particular way.

Ugly wins.

Pretty wins.

Defensive wins.

Special-teams wins.

One-point wins.

Thirteen-point wins.

We don’t discriminate. We obliterate.

We just keep terrifying ourselves for three hours, fixing everything before the clock hits zero, and doing it again the following Sunday.

Except this past Sunday.

Because our perfect Vikings had a bye.

BYE WEEKEND

We hope you enjoyed it, Purple Nation.

Because we earned it.

God only knows how exhausting it is being this perfect.

Heavy is the head that wears the crown.

We hope you put your feet up, and were the king or queen of your castles.

We hope you watched Pitch Perfect.

Or maybe The Perfect Storm.

We hope you read Nine Perfect Strangers.

Or ate a Perfect Bar.

Whatever you did, we hope you spent the bye weekend appreciating what the 2026 Vikings have become.

Because DJ Khaled tried to warn us years ago.

All we do is win.

And for the last 300+ days and counting?

He hasn’t been wrong.

10 straight.

10/10.

Perfectly imperfect.

SKÖL.

Epilogue: Donate to a Good Cause

Please don’t forget to join us in donating after each Viking win.

Join us in donating @ https://www.scoliosis.org/donate/

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